Monday, September 14, 2009

Things a True Southerner Knows

The difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit.

Pretty much how many fish or collards greens make up a mess.

What general direction cattywumpus is.

That "gimme sugar" don't mean pass the sugar.

When somebody's "fixin" to do something, it won't be long.

The difference between Yankee's and damn Yankee's.

How good a cold grape Nehi and cheese crackers are at a country store.

Knows what, "Well I Suwannee !!" means.

Ain't nobody's biscuits like Grandma's biscuits !!

A good dog is worth its weight in gold.

Real gravy don't come from the store.

The War of Northern Aggression was over state rights, not slavery.

When "by and by" is.

How to handle their "pot likker".

You should never loan your tools, pick-up, or gun to nobody.

A belt serves a greater purpose than holding Daddy's pants up.

The differences between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and trailer trash.

Never to go snipe hunting twice.

At one point learned what happens when you swallow tobacco juice.

You may wear long sleeves, but you should always roll 'em up past the elbows.

The difference between "pert' near" and "a right far piece".

They know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.

Never to assume that the other car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

A true Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."
A true Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is - as in "Going to town, be back directly."

True Southerners know instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. (If the trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'.)

True Southerners make friends standing in lines. We don't do "queues," we do "lines." And when we're in line, we talk to everybody.

When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin", you know you're in the presence of a genuine southerner.

And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 on the freeway - you just say, "Bless her heart" and go your way.


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